He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
