we have pet lesbian snakes
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This is my gift to your gina
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
