it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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