ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
