Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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