Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
