May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
