sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
