Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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