am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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