if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
