My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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