So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
