I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
