connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
