Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I didn't notice because vodka
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
