Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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