is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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