you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
