Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
