Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
