i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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