Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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