He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
