You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
