I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
