i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
