Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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