Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
