weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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