To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
