can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
