I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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