Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
