once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
