It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
