I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
