i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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