They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
