Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
