don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
