You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
