He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
