i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
