ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
