A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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