He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
