i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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