i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
