it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
