whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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