thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
