Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
