there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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