I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
