You smell like stripper and shame
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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