at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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