Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
