i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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