We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
